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Oh The Fantasies…

September 9th, 2011 by phoenixmarie

Sooo I was asked to come up with a scene “My Fantasy”…

I thought Long & Hard… What is something I haven’t done ON Camera, With One Guy, That is not a “Redo” of something I’ve done before…

I have played Many Characters… Really kinda cool to think about it… BUT here in lies the Problem…

If I want Originality then the scene would be “Unscripted”

When we read Lines we change them to fit our own Monologue Traits at Times (Me All The Time!!) Lol

Myself, Wanting to Explore soo many concept ideas… To Challenge Everything… I Cant see acheiving it with just TWO Individuals – I think they ALL require what Jonni Darkko calls “A Neutral”

A Neutral can be ANY gender and they normally are not as “Advanced” as the other Performers in the scene and will allow the Same Intensity, but with a Flare of Innocence.. Almost…Or is the word Helplessness… That at times can be beneficial to ALL Parties… Shows Off the Strong… Brings out more from the “Neutral” that they were Opened up to…

So Frustrating- Now the Question, “What Creative idea for Role Playing do you think is NEW and Fun?!”

Email Me at – PhoenixMariexxx@yahoo.com

My Links to where we can Play One-on-One

July 31st, 2011 by phoenixmarie

So I Am EVERYWHERE on the Internet…

Google Searching my name kinda shows that huh?! *Fist in My ASS?!* Who ME?! Lol

So if you’re wanting to know ALL the REAL Me Stuff here it is-

 

First and Best way is my site… But you’re already here…. so Next…

 

Twitter.com/PMarizzle

www.facebook.com/MarizzlePM

www.myspace.com/phoenixmarieinc

http://tinyurl.com/3ft6ozm -YouTube

http://instagr.am/p/I8w33/ -Instagram IPhone Users

http://www.mobypicture.com/user/PMarizzle

 

I Do What I Want… Do You?!

And Then…

April 13th, 2011 by phoenixmarie

What do I mean by “And then…?” No, it’s not just a hilarious line from “Dude, Where’s My Car” but it’s a question we ALL think about, and it’s at that crossroad where I find myself today.

One of the first things my ex, Christian, ever told me regarding the porn industry is that “You don’t get any newer!” What exactly does that mean, and why should any porn chick care?! Because his words of caution are right! I hate it when he’s right! LOL.

Even his best friend at the time, Derrick Pierce, told me, being a little more straight forward upon me meeting him: “What’s your name again? Ah, you know what? I’ll try to remember it if you’re still around in six months. Late.”  That might sound mean, but it wasn’t meant to be, it’s a fact! Most girls will be shot out or have left by that point.

Some girls come into this business knowing what they want to get out of it. They plan out “I’m only doing girl/girl, then I’ll do boy/girl, then anal, then IR, DP, gangbangs, etc.” I’m not saying this is how it should or shouldn’t be either, but it is a formula that was used for most contract stars. Why is it this way? Because they know that if you give it all at first, there’s nothing new to offer and most fans are chasing the next “It” girl.

I have been in PornoLand for 3 years 5 months and 26 days. No, I’m not counting it down like a prison sentence! Yes, I have seen when the new girl on set starts expressing how after performing in 20 scenes she’s a porn star, or the next Nikki Benz, Lisa Ann, Tory Lane, Jenna Haze, Jesse Jane…

Well, long term, I hope she’s right—I’ll teach her anal—but sadly, that’s not the case in almost 90% of girls. Those girls I mentioned are girls who were around when this industry truly had a classification of “Star” based on their beauty, love of sex, and/or pure skill level.

Honestly, that is the reason porn viewers/fans still request them today When you get into the world of adult entertainment and shoot that epic, monumental, first scene, you pushed a button on a stopwatch as well. After scene #1 you have done, and are in, porn! Am I saying that’s a bad thing? Of course not! But if you think you can go and work a normal 9-5 job after that you’ll find that it’s hard.

Why? Well first of all if your (hopeful) employer hasn’t asked what you did before (like you’ll really put adult talent!) or even recognized you, then, odds are a soon-to-be co-worker and/or client will. You could be fired for lying/omitting on your application.

Secondly, the money in porn can be really great. But when you get accustomed to fast money, that $10.75 an hour starts looking less and less like the step you’ll want to go back to. So most—not all—girls start doing escorting to continue making the fast money. By the way, I’m totally good with my girls, as well as guy friends, making money doing it! Do what you want to do! But, that’s just not an option for me. To each his own.

Unfortunately, I came into porn without a true plan in place and knowing absolutely NOTHING about adult, dancing, escorting, or even myself, sexually, really. I was bound to make some mistakes. Okay, some big ones—trusting the wrong people to be friends when they were really NOT, aka users; lending/spending money like it would always be there; not taking advice from “friends” who warned me correctly, but luckily, I only was dropped twice on my head as a child so I eventually figured it out! LOL. Joking. I was only dropped once!

My decision to enter into porn might have been the craziest thing I’ve ever done, especially with never even viewing a scene—I still haven’t. I’ve seen trailers and stills, but scenes? Not so much. I won’t watch myself either. Sorry, but I’m a girl, so: A) I have flaws and I don’t need to see them in motion LOL and B) I was there; I know what happened!

But now, about where I am today, “And then…?”

I have always said, “You’re either pretty or dirty. Only a rare few can be both, and however you classify me, I give it 110% at all times!”

I’ve grown as a performer by understanding more about my sexual likes/dislikes, acquiring/mastering my physical talents (deep throating, gaping, fisting, flexibility, etc.), but even more so just by watching directors, photographers, lighting crews, PAs, Pms and others.

Now I want to apply MY view from behind the camera.

My openness to experiment sexually, always being respectful, non-judgemental, and current abilities in the art of sexual perversions (fetishes) has helped me to know what turns people on. It turns me on figuring out what that “thing” is that will send someone to the point of no control. So, knowing this, leaves me asking, “Just what area of my likes do I want to share with you?”

Please note: I’m NOT saying I’m the best, or that I know it all, but I’ve had the honor of being talent for and/or worked beside those I feel are tops in this industry! And I will continue to do so. For now, I just think its time I show my side.

“And then…?”

Just The Facts Please

January 26th, 2011 by phoenixmarie

First Name: Phoenix
Last Name: Marie
Stage Name: Phoenix “Marizzle”
Gender: Female
Sexual Orientation: Bi
Height: 5’9
Weight: 145
DOB: 09/21/1981
Zodiac Sign: Virgo/Libra
Birth Place: Riverside, CA
City of Residence: CA
Measurements: 34dd – 26 – 42
Cup Size: 34dd
Eye Color: Blue
Hair Color: Blonde
Dress Size: 6/8
Shoe size: 8
Pant: 9/11
Nationality/Ethnicity: Italian
Tattoos: 2 chinese symbols Pride/Loyality
Piercings: Ears

Biography:
I did my 1st scene October 15, 2007 for Vivid Brand New Faces #2 – I was Scared/Nervous/Less than sexually confident… But as I did each scene I learned more about myself sexually, preferences, styles, kinks… I love this Industry for showing me more about myself!!!

Email: phoenixmariexxx@yahoo.com
Myspace: /phoenixmarieinc
Facebook: N/A
Twitter: @Pmarizzle
Website: www.phoenixmarie.com
Favorite Color: Blue & Black
Favorite Position: Cowgirl
Favorite Sex Act(s): Choking/Biting/Anal
Strangest Place you’ve had sex: I’ve had some Crazy sex… Disneyland?
Favorite Type of Porn: ALL
Ideal Mate: Someone who can make me laugh
Do you prefer Vaginal/Anal Sex: What, What ;p

I very much LOVE what I do and I’m very grateful!!

Send me Anything you Want Letters, Cards, Pantyhose for scenes to:

Phoenix Marie
4804 Laurel Canyon Blvd #1014
Valley Village, CA 91607

HIV+ Scare In Porn Community?!

October 18th, 2010 by phoenixmarie

I’m Apologizing Now for the hardness this Blog is going to reflect… as you can clearly tell by previous entries I write best on Emotion…

I’m writing from Anger… I just got off the phone with My Extremely Concerned Mother… She’s 55 yrs old, God Fearing, and Married only to My Father which they just Celebrated 30yrs together this past August… So her knowledge of porn, testing, & HIV is intermediate… and Judging by ”SOME” of my fellow performers… theirs might be less!!

Headlines Like- “Companies Stopping” “HIV+ Confirmed Condoms Only Choice” Gossiping… But Scared… How about Prepared?!!

When you make the decision to Join Porn most girls look at it like… WOW you’re going to pay me this Amazing rate to have sex with this Hot guy… Or the guys see it as OMG I’m gonna bang all these Hot Chicks and be the fucking Man!! Honestly, Those are Facts… But Why the Amazing Price Tags?! Because you’re taking off your clothes on Camera?! …Really… Really… Please tell me you’re NOT that Stupid… YOU ARE PUTTING YOUR HEALTH AT RISK!!

SEX… In a perfect world there would be No Sexually Transmitted Dieases (STDs)… We also would ALL be God Fearing, Law Bidding, and Sustaining until Marriage to fulfill Carnal desires…  NEWS FLASH… We Live In A Secular World… Driven by Money, Power, and Self-Fulfillment… Well again MOST (tap tap not it)

So, Sadly, Due to this FACT… EVERY Time ANYONE decides to Indulge in Carnal Desires they Run a Risk of catching an STD!!  But being in an Industry which Capitalizes on SEX… we not only Display our Sexuality for all the World, but our Preferences, our Behaviors, and with the technology advancements in Social Networks our Day to Day Living!!

So WHY in the world would we -being a Close Knit family of sorts- in this industry CARELESSLY decide to NOT ONLY begin Discussing this on a Public Forum but then with TOTAL Disregard -Attacking Each Other!!

We are NOT Children… I am 29 years old… I have been in this Exactly 3yrs October 15, 2007 was my first scene… I am a Bi Sexual Female (male preference) I Shared 2 1/2 years with a Man who does Transgender/Straight performing…He is extremely intelligent (UTSA Graduate) and when I would feel upset by someone attacking him due to his choices… he would assure me they were only Ignorant to the Facts!!

This most recent outbreak only sadly proves him correct…

If your mind says Bi-Sexual, Transgender, or Gay Men are the Only ones who carry or contract AIDs/HIV …I am Sorry you have A Lot of reading to do…

AIDS – http://www.aidshealth.org/about-hiv-aids/hiv-aids/?gclid=CKmjxryS1KQCFRBrgwodwwLEKg

http://www.avert.org/worldstats.htm

Yes, certain Sexual Preferences MAY be at higher Risks… But When I see posts where people are Casting Stones at SELECT Performers it SICKENS Me!! How Dare You!!

-LET HE WHO IS WITHOUT SIN CAST THE FIRST STONE- John 8:7

I would Rather Work with A TESTED Open Cross performer than some I KNOW plays around Off-Camera and Hides it… It’s YOUR Body YOU decide who YOU want to let inside it… RIGHTFULLY!! I AGREE!! But to Talk Shit when you go and Do what you Do!! Grow the Fuck UP!!

Fear of the Unknown brings out different sides in people normally its -Anger and Aggression- when it should be a hunger for Knowledge… I’m NOT Known to be a huge reader Lol but when it concerns my personal welfare I’ll click a link or grab a book… STOP THE HATE!!

When you get in this business I wish every Agency would have a Class for their NEW Girls… Discussing STDs (Common/Un-Common… Treatments… Long Term Effects) …Fuck even including Escorting, Websites, Etc… YES I’m Fucking Dreaming Thanks I Know…

Well just like I’m the Industry Named “Anal Queen” …I’m going to be the One-Click stop for your Knowledge on STDs ready…

Everything – http://www.cdc.gov/std/default.htm

So That’s Life

October 4th, 2010 by phoenixmarie

We all experience moments in our lives that build us up and sadly even tear us down… whether it be Physically or Emotionally!!

Those experiences affect us enough to stop momentarily and stare at the person who appears in the Mirror… Remember- You see the Raw True Real you that no one else can… All the insecurities that every person has… NO ONE is Perfect…

Now staring what do you see first?! What thought that enters your mind?! Is it a Smile from a New Hope, a Frown from a broken heart or a loss of someone close to you… a crease *wrinkle* that wasn’t there the last time you looked… Dark circles due to the many things that keep most people awake at night… Stress!

Now after you’re done knit picking at the physical do you ever stop and say… am I happy with where I am… Who I am… *Hopefully you are!*

The Big One and MY Personal Ghost “what’s next?!” …Once you have decided on your objective do you attack it with Passion or let another day go by believing in the “there’s always tomorrow”

We all grow everyday by… learning something new, remembering a moment from the past that changes our days course, or cross paths with a new amazing person who uplifts you to see yourself as more than what you think you are!!

I pride myself in sharing a Smile, a Joke or Jest, even a simple compliment with all the people in my path, but even more so the people I care deeply about!! Because even at my worst moments *Stress, Heartache, Confusion* if I can send a message to someone else to put a Smile on their face it lets me know that one will return to mine!!

I am very giving with all of Me to help people I care about… maybe its my belief that every person has Good in them, or that they would do the same for me… I have sadly More often than Not found it to be untrue… *Yes, I have SUCKER written in BIG ASS Letters on my forehead*

Or My Overwhelming Belief that LOVE conquers ALL!! I’m Blaming it partly on Disney really!! *Lol*  I still believe in the  ”And They Lived Happily Ever After…”  So for every painful moment the heart endures from a Breakup… I try to remember a moment when it wasn’t the way it is, they weren’t someone who wanted to see your tears or hurt… But that is one less obstacle that is remains in the Pursuit of finding the One person… who wants to see your smile as much as you do theirs!! And is willing to put in the work it takes to do it!!

I hope you can teach yourself to look in the Mirror every morning & find a memory to make you smile, a song to get you singing *Yea My Voice Sucks I Still Do It* Lol, and The Knowledge that Anything is Possible… when you put in the work for it!! Success & Fame are achieved by those who made a goal and worked to obtain it!!

What Do You Want….

July 22nd, 2010 by phoenixmarie

So A Friend Of Mine… We’ll Just Call Her Lauren Lol…

Told Me That I Needed To Make A List… For What… What Characteristics I Am Looking For In A Significant Other! ~I Like Girls Too Soo No Sex Identified! ;p

I Promised Her I Would & Last Night As I Was Texting Someone Whom I Truly Relied On For Guidance In A Lot Of Ways… I Found Myself Waking Up In A Cold Sweat Because In My Dream I Felt The Other Person I Am Linked With…

I Didn’t See A Face, But Our Energies Were Intense… I Felt Loved, Happiness, & Driven… Towards What Direction I’m Unclear…

I Remember Being Touched By The Other Person Gently On The Cheek & GooseBumps Shooting Down My Arm… Hot Breathe On My Neck Making My Hair Stand On End… My Pussy Got WET… And I Heard The Other Person Say, “I’m Here, I Love U, Ur Mine Forever!” But Without Out Words!

I Know What Your Thinking Quit Watching “The Notebook” Before You Go To Sleep… But I Promise Minus Me ALWAYS Being Rev-ed Up On Sexual Wants… This Was A Total “Where The Hell Did This Come From!!” Experience!

So What Do I Want… Great Personality, Strength, Intellect, Driven, Stable Lifestyle, Out-Going, Sexually Free Minded, Great Smile…

What I Don’t Want… Chaos, No Goals, An Alcoholic, A Drug User, Someone Who Doesn’t Care About Their Health, A Mean Spirited Person…

I’m Sure There Are More Than This… But It’s What I Know Fore sure Now…

So See Now That I’ve Written It… It Shall Be Done Lol… Yeah I Wish!! Lol

Fuck I Wish I Could Go Back To Sleep And Figure Out Who This Person Is… Reaches For Mallet To Whack Self Over The Head Lol Joking!!

Love You All Hope Your Happiness Is FulFilled Everyday!!

Your Questions Answered

June 23rd, 2010 by phoenixmarie

Thank You Trodog36 for kinda helping start a format from your Brazzers PM
Name: Phoenix Marie
Age/DOB: September 21, 1981
Hometown: Riverside, Ca
Time in the Business: As of June 23, 2010 2yrs 8mons 8days
Measurements: 34DD – 26 – 40
Reason for starting in the business: Standard Money, Now The Experiences, From Sex to Traveling to People.
Does your family know: Yes, This my NOT be anywhere they expected or wanted me to be, but they want me to be HAPPY, Healthy, and I’m Loved =P
If you weren’t in the business you’d be doing what: Sales, Motorcycles more than likely
Favorite people to work with: Too Many To Say
Least favorite people to work with: Fake People There’s 4 they know who they are =P
Relationship status: Single
Do you prefer in the Business or Not: Both
How long do you see yourself in the business: Very Long Time
Plans for after the business: Directing, settling down just doing a family
Drink/smoke/drugs: Never & None
Tattoos/Body Piercings: Two Chinese Symbols Right Hip, Ears
Favorite Position: Cowgirl Anal
Role model in the business: I look up to the “Dirty Girls” who just LOVE Sex!
To anal or not to anal: Always Anal
Favorite past time: Sports, Motorcycles, Comics, Classic Cars
Pets: None to much time traveling
Siblings: I’m 1 of 10
Age you lost your virginity: 19
Craziest place you’ve done it off camera: Disneyland on and off
If you were a pair of panties, what style? color? and material would you be and why? Thong, Blk, Lace & Sheer Its Soft, Sexy, and Boys Like!
If you were to have dinner with any five people in the world (alive or dead), who would you have it with? Benjamin Franklin, Genghis Khan, Mel Gibson, William Shakespeare, Leonardo da Vinci
You’re going to a concert and any 4 bands are playing(again alive or dead, current or broken up), who would you want to see? Nirvana, The Beetles, Guns n Roses, Metallica
If they were going to make a movie about your life, what holllywood actress would you want to play you? Katherine Hiegl
What would the theme song to your movie be? Opps I did it again by Brittany Spears Lol Or Warrant Cherry Pie
If you could have any animal as a pet, what would you have? White Tiger
If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you want to go? Italy, Paris, Spain Cities of LOVE
Favorite Food? Mexican or Italian
Biggest Turn-Offs? Cruel Hearted People, Bad Hygiene, Closed Mindness
Biggest Turn-Ons? Smile, Humor, Built Arms/Chest
Does Size Matter, circumcised or uncircumcised Matter? Not At All… I get off by Emotions, Touching, Tease, the cock inserting is just the Icing on the Cake! Lol Icing =P
Favorite Scene? I use to always say Evil Anal 7 with Manuel Ferrara but now they’re all pretty fucking fun in their own ways! =P
Biggest Fear in doing Porn? Doing Something I don’t want to do… I will never look back on my Career in porn with any sadness it’s taught me a lot about Myself!
Message for your “fans” Friends?
I am Very Lucky and Grateful for every moment you have shared with me… whether it be in a Laugh (cause I am a bit of a Dork), To Climax that’s ruined your keyboard (they have those plastic covers now.. just saying lol) may there be many more! =P

Q & A

June 16th, 2010 by phoenixmarie

I know I started this on My Twitter Account which is @PMarizzle but I want to do it here on my Blog! Leave EVERY Kind of Question you want to know the answer to and 99% I Will Answer! From Cat or Dog to Boys and/or Girls!! =)
Bring Them On!

Break-ups! Search For Love!

May 15th, 2010 by phoenixmarie

Okay soo Here Goes… We all want to be Loved! Corny as that statement is… It is Factual!  Don’t get me wrong there are Many Forms of love… Family, Friends, but we really are searching for the love of a Partner!

Partner being the other person in your life that you Love Unconditionally, and it is returned the same way! I will even go as far as to say your Best friend, because you share moments, secrets, and  dreams with that person with the intent of a Future together.

Key word being Intent… The road to Heartbreak is often paved with good intentions??… I have been in only serious relationships for a large majority of my life, and porn No Different!

Let’s take this in Steps….

First step, what do I look for in my Ideal Guy… well… I am pretty open… I have dated all colors, heights, sizes (tummy reference), but normally the first thing that will get me is a Smile!! I am a sucker for a wicked smile… the type that just says, “I’m trouble!” or has a sort of arrogance to it. Followed by personality, I love to laugh, if someone can’t take jokes, or make them…. the door is right there! I do prefer taller guys, but I feel if I try to make this “mold” of some non-existent person, I could close the door on someone who is perfect!

Pre- Porn Relationships….

From my exit of High School to joining Porn, we’re talking Class of 2000 to October 15, 2007, I was in 3 serious relationships Classified as the Cheater, the Pleaser, and the Dirty Secret (yep I said it lol)

The cheater I met when I started working as a Rental Manager for Harley-Davidson, he was a Bouncer *Red Flag I know now!* and sold parts at AutoZone… my mom went in to buy parts for her car, he helped her out… when she was returning the parts that were incorrect lol… she asked if he was single, he was, so she sent me in to buy something like Wet Sand Paper to meet him… I did, he was Bald, 5’10, pretty good build, tattoos everywhere, blue eyes, and he gave me that smile, so we started dating, it lasted almost two years. We were two very “passionate” people, we feed off chemistry, when I found out he was banging some random broad at the club I told him to Fuck Off… but the chemistry was still there… I probably would have Married him, but I helped him achieve his of owning a Harley! We got into a fight one day because I didn’t trust him and he went out drinking with His Club and While Intoxicated on the 15 fwy, he got a High speed wobble, when he sped up to stabilize, the rear tire exploded; and he was found in a 3inch pool of his own blood. We were told he would never be more than a Vegetable and to pull the plug… My response to that and his mother was “He was too stubborn of an Asshole to give up fighting!” He suffered a frontal lobe trauma where the nerves tear from the brain *which later caused Thrashing Seizures while the nerves tried to repair* I was there while he remained in a coma for 9 months… I wrote a daily journal of his progresses… when he started to heal he was not the same man I knew, and his mother Thanked Me for loving him, but asked me to please move on!

Not looking I found the next one, had a lot of hair, 6’3, city worker, big belly lol, strong not defined, and he had that smile… he had to wait a long time for me to open up to him… of which he was more than willing to do… and I started falling for him. He was my Bear would fight anyone who looked at me wrong or didn’t treat me like a lady if I wanted, but the sweetest guy who only wanted to make me happy! So much so he knew I was saving for Boobs and helped me get them! He was repayed EVERY PENNY! We were Happy, Loved each other, but when it all came to the point where he set up a life for him to be able to take care of EVERYTHING I needed, I didn’t jump!

Then the Last one which lead me to porn! Lol Joking… Kinda… This one went from a city worker to General Contractor while we dated. It as well lasted little over 2 years, he was 6’4, bald, Tattoos everywhere, big belly but big arms, and that smile! We shared the Chemistry of me and the first one… my mother warned me… and I did it anyways! I went up and down with this one but mainly because he Craved sex with multiple girls, so he’d break up with me so he could fuck them without cheating, and then wanted me to accept that somehow it was my fault… Ummm NO!  When it came time to commit fully… I did kinda, but I was miserable!

I even lied to him and went to the AVN expo in the January of 2006, went with a Manager from the Dealership who is a HUGE Porn Fan… I didn’t know what it was exactly, but his wife was going and others so I went! Here’s where I made the Connection to porn… I waited in lines with him for a pix with Jenna Jameson, then in Vivid’s Line, then in Digital’s, and the one I found most interesting Wicked… Why? Well Brooke Banner (had no clue who she was then) was there she said I was Hot and if I ever wanted to get in she’d do my first girl/girl Lol LIAR!! =P Then we got on Stage where Randy Spears was signing he smiled at me asked if I was going to get in to the Business, My friend then said how would she go about doing that? Randy handed me one of his cards and wrote LA Direct Models on the Back of it said to contact him or this is the place to go!  So yes I am totally understanding of the waiting in Lines for autographs of porn girls and yes a couple left so waiting for nothing… I ended up adding on Myspace lol La Direct Models… Never went any further until October!

When October hit, I was not happy with the dealership, I was not happy with my guy, I wanted to make some money to start my own dealership… How can I make a good amount of money in a short amount of time… Myspace… yes I can come down for a meeting… I went into La Direct Models as scared as I could ever be!

Derek had me come into the office, asked me standard questions, do you transportation, are you sure you want to do this, and then Please take off your clothes! WTF I had never taken my clothes off for a stranger before… I swear my heart was beating thru my chest! He complimented my boobs, had me turn around and asked me to place my fingers under my butt cheeks… I don’t even want to think how badly I did that… said he can only assume at max I’d shoot three scenes a month, but if I wanted to do this he would take me on! I signed a 1 yr contract, introduced me to everyone, Fran scared the hell out of me lol, and I went to AIM to test the next morning and shot Brand New Faces #2 for Vivid with B. Skow as the director and VooDoo as the Male talent!  I was scared, I tore from his huge cock, but the sex was good so I decided to see what would happen next!

The Scene going good and Derek finding out I enjoyed sports would lead me to attend my first “porn get together” which was a UFC 77 Party! At this party I was nervous, but sat next to Derek because we were talking about the fighters, and  out of Nowhere a 6’5 bald headed guy wearing a white Manuel Ferarra shirt comes in… I was like Wow! Who is that!  Of Course it was none other than Christian XXX, the man I would spend the next two and a half years trying to make it work with!

I have dated 3 people from then til now, one other male talent, one director, and Christian! In the end it always came back to him… We’d split up because I would make a foolish decision knowing it the outcome would not be beneficial to the relationship or myself and he would push me away. But if you look at www.christiansingstheblues.com  it documents his year in 2008, but we rang in 2009 together in Texas.

I can Truly say I loved him Unconditionally, I wouldn’t work with people he didn’t like or want me to, I gave up “Friendships” *in porn that term is used very loosely, he would work with whoever he wanted and I had to accept it, I would and did do anything he wanted… in the end I feel he just wanted me to go…

So now I am healing, and starting to see that I there are probably going to be a lot more tears before I find the right one… and to find someone willing to accept me for me and not just Phoenix Marie will be hard… but I am still a firm believer in everyone will find their happy ending…. ;p and not like that Lol!

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